Wolfwood and Legato's Talk Show At the GHG Place
by Nick's Derringer Girl
Summary: Sort of a spinoff to 'Wolfwood and Legato's Christmas Talk Show'. But with all new guests, blunders,songs, and more! Oh, yeah, but don't worry, same hosts though!
1. The Chaos Begins

DISCLAIMER:

NDG: MEnoOWNtrigun.

DK: 'The hell? 0.O"

Haiku: Um... yeah.

Gunner: What she said.

Tsato: ...... (TRANSLATION: I agree.)

nftp:

Haiku: Wheee!!! I love spinoffs!!!

DK: Of course you do, you helped write it...

Haiku: Well, yeah, but-

DK: But what?

Haiku: (sighs) Oh, never mind.

Gunner: Wanna hear a joke?

Both: NO!!!

Gunner: Awww...

BOTH: NEVER!!!

We see a room with a couch, comfortable looking recliners, numerous tables (with evil plans on them), a little boy pacing the perimeter of the room, and a blue haired man talking on a cell phone. He repeatedly saying stuff like "Yes Mastah," and "He will suffer eternally". Suddenly, the blue haired man snaps the phone shut and says "You know... What's better: A hot dog, or a piece of cheesecake?"

"Where's Wolfwood? (angrily) " Zazie

"Around somewhere, anyways, which is better?" Legato

"Cheesecake." Zazie

"Cigarettes!" Wolfwood

"(whiny) That wasn't one of the choices!" Legato

"Whatever" Wolfwood

"What the hell are you wearing!?!?" Zazie

"The clothes that I just went jogging in" Wolfwood

Wolfwood is wearing red shorts and a blue shirt.

"You— JOG?!?!" Zazie and Legato

"Um, yeah. Me and some my friend." Wolfwood

"It better NOT be Vash the Stampede!" Legato

"Sheesh! Don't worry, it's not." Wolfwood

"Ohh, then who is it? Wait, why bother I'll just fish the information out of your puny little brain." Legato

"Shit." Wolfwood

"Oh, that's who it is." Legato

"Can we get on with the show already? Please?" Zazie

"Fine (sigh)" Legato

Cameras go on.

"Welcome to our second show! I'm your one AND ONLY HOST Nicholas D–"

"okonokuminimonjawaresumakinishiteshizumentarokakora"

"WOLFWOOD."

"And I'm Legato."

"He's crazy!"

"No, I'm Legato. Now, Wolfwood, would you like everyone to know WHO you went jogging with?"

"Um, not exactly."

"I thought so."

"So, today we just wanted to say 'hi' and that we haven't picked a guest yet. So, if you have any suggestions, just tell us!"

"What he said."

"Goodbye!"

"Sayonara!"

NDG: Um yeah, sorry about that! I kinda let Katey type that one.

Haiku: What do you mean, 'sorry about that'?

NDG: BYE!!! (runs off)

Haiku: GET BACK HERE!!! Oh, yeah! Please review you're suggestions. All will be appreatciated!


	2. YaaaY! Guests! WAIT! What is Knives Doi...

DISCLAIMER:

Gunner: Hiyas!!! Wanna hear a joke? Good! We all own Trigun, A.I. Love You, and Star Wars: Jedi Apprentice. Good joke, huh?

DK: We're BACK!!! All of the crazed lunatics are back!!! BWAHAHAHA!!! NowhereMan2, Thanks for the WONDERFUL review!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

NDG: (sigh) That's what happens when DK, the smart, junior, AP, million-collage-credits-student is on sugar high.

Haiku: Scaaaarrryyy!!!!!!

Tsato: RUN FOR COVER!!!

ALL: (shock)(awe)(amazement)

Haiku: Did he just...

DK: (Now okay and himself again) Yep.

NDG: Wow...

We see a room with a couch, comfortable looking recliners, numerous tables (with evil plans on them). A blue-haired man is sitting at a table idly drumming his fingers to a non-existent beat. And a black-haired man is sitting in a recliner and smoking. In the background we hear someone scream, "Stop it with the smoking!!! I cant breathe!!!" The black-haired man just exhales And says, "Good."

(Comes into the room.) "Let's get on with it already! I have a two guests lined up already, and a really good piece of gossip!" Zazie

"I'm bored." Wolfwood

"I want a hot dog." Legato

"Get off of your lazy asses and get on with the show already!!!" Zazie

"Don't have a heart attack!" Wolfwood

"You're one to talk, Smokey." Zazie

"Call me that again and a blow a rocket through your head." Wolfwood

"On with the show! The guests are... no, nevermind! Here, just take these." (hands them cue cards) And DO GOOD! Zazie

"Who taught you English?" Wolfwood

"You!" Zazie

"Um, yeah, but..." Wolfwood

"'K you're on in 5-4-3-2-1!!!" Zazie

The cameras start rolling; manned by Kuroneko-sama.

"Hello, and welcome to the show! I'm you're host! Nicholas D. Wolfwood! And he's just some crazy guy named Legato!" Wolfwood

"BLUESUMMERS! LEGATO BLUESUMMERS!!! And I'm not crazy, you are." Legato

(Far away) "Get on with it already!" Zazie

Legato falls asleep.

(sigh) "Today our special guests will be: Saati Namba from A.I. Love You, and Dr. Murk Lundi from Star Wars: Jedi Apprentice.

Saati and Lundi walk in.

"Hello all!" Lundi

"Hi everyone!" Saati

"Okay! We are going to have you each answer questions about the other's book! Or... BookS!

"Don't make fun of my ONE REALLY GOOD BOOK!!! People followed me closely!!!" Lundi

(Mutters) "He sounds a lot like Knives... Scary." Wolfwood

(wakes up)(horrified) "Did you just talk bad about the master!!!" (falls back asleep) Legato

"Is he okay?" Saati

(sigh) "No, he's always like that." Wolfwood

(smiles; totally oblivious) "Okay!" Saati

(wakes up again) "She reminds me of someone stupid... Hey! I'll call the two stupid spiders to go jogging!!! Ohhh! What a great idea!!!" Legato

"Yeah, yeah, SHUT UP." Wolfwood

"The GUESTS!!!!!" Zazie

"Oh, yeah! You are both going to try to answer questions about the other person's series!" Wolfwood

"Whaaaaaaaaat!?!?!? I've never even heard of 'I Love Somebody'" Lundi

"A.I. Love You!" Saati

"That's what I said." Lundi

"O—kay! First question is for ...-" Wolfwood

(wakes up) "Lundi; What is the name of Saati's boyfriend? Is it A) Obi-Wan Kenobi; B) Hitoshi Kobe; or C) Rei-Dae the Blade?" Legato

"I'll go with C, Rei-dae the Blade!" Lundi

(walks in) "Eeeewwww!!!! NEVER!!! I am not a spider-lover like you all!!!!!!" Rei-Dae

"Ah, screw this! No one is gonna know the answers! What do you think Legato? (notices that he's asleep again) Ahh, forget it." Wolfwood

(walks in) "Hey! What is the meaning of this! Rei-Dae just ran out screaming! Hey! Who is in charge of the spider brigade! I never approved this!!! Bring me the leader of this madness at once!!!" Knives

(wakes up) "Yes master." Legato

"And get rid of the spiders- for good!" Knives

Saati and Lundi run out screaming because of the madness.

"Zazie!" Legato and Wolfwood

"Hey! To you two it's 'director'! And what do you need? (looks up at the VERY angry figure towering over him) Oh." Zazie

(Seething) "What is the meaning of this? Answer me spider!" Knives

"Uhh... Gotta go! (Runs out)" Zazie

Gunner: GASP! Is this the end of the talk show?!?! Maybe for good?!?!

NDG: NEVER!!! It's too much fun to write!

Haiku: Yeah!

DK: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Haiku: Guess it still hasn't worn off yet...

DK: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NDG: Oh, yeah Knives WILL KEEP POPPING UP! (randomly, of course) So don't worry!

Tsato: ................................... (FYI: If you even know who Dr. Murk Lundi is then yay!!!!! AND... This is him before he goes insane from the holocron.)


	3. A New Addition to the Guns

Disclaimer:

Haiku: We don't own Trigun, Barney, Mad Max Three: Beyond Thunderdome, Star Wars, The Weakest Link, The Apprentice, or Winnie the Pooh.

-

Haiku: (sigh) It sure is quiet without the twins around.

NDG: Chris, yeah. Tsato, ye- Wait-a-second! Whaddya mean! Tsato NEVER talked!

DK: (Crying) I wanna go to San Francisco too!

NDG: Oh, yeah. Me and Haiku let some girls in your grade come over... They said something about wanting to help out.

DK: WHAT? WHO!

Haiku: About ten of 'em. I don't know their names though.

DK: (Pales) WHAT. DID. YOU. JUST. SAY?

Haiku: Er, you're not deaf y'know.

NDG: Oh! Now I remember where I'd seen them before! They're his 'fan club'. Or at least that's what I call them.

DK: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

-

We see a room with a couch, comfortable looking recliners, numerous tables (with evil plans on them). A blue-haired man is sitting erect on a chair and a navy-haired DK: NAVY? NGD & Haiku: Do you ever even watch the show?. man is lounging on a couch looking bored.

"AAAAAAANNNNNNDDDDD ACTION!" Zazie

(yawn) Wolfwood

"I SAID (louder) 'AAAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDD ACTION!'" Zazie

"Not today. Today we are waiting for the Master. He's going to select a new

Gung-Ho-Gun, or at least he hopes to. There are four candidates. The Master will introduce them." Legato

(Irritated) "Well, when will the Master get here?" Zazie

"The Master will hopefully be here shortly, but never poke fun at his lateness." Legato

"Whatever." Zazie

(Walks in) Knives

"AAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDDDDD... We're live." (Leaves) Zazie

"Hello and welcome to today's show! I'm your host- Nicholas D. Wolfwood. And (points to Legato) this is just some Crazy-homeless guy who wandered in here from off of the streets! Oh, and (points to Knives) this lunatic is Millions Knives." Wolfwood

"I'm not a 'this'." Legato

"Address me as Master, or your spider friends shall suffer." Knives

"They do and I quit the Gung-Ho Guns" Wolfwood

A hushed silence is heard around Gunsmoke.

"You wouldn't." knives

"Wanna test that theory?" Wolfwood

"Don't challenge me, CHAPEL." (Smirk) Knives

"ENOUGH! JUST GO THROUGH THE CANDIDATE SCREENING ALREADY! (mumbling) We're gonna lose viewers here." Zazie

Knives sighs and leads Wolfwood and Legato to an obstacle course where four people (Er- BEINGS) are already lined up.

"Okay. You all shall go through— ONE AT A TIME! See if your simple minds can comprehend that. Okay! You first.(Knives points to a white-haired midget.) What is your name?" Knives

"I'm Master, and I rule over Barter Town. Blaster is my assistant, although if you remember correctly, you wouldn't let him come along!" Master

"What a coincidence! My name is Master too! Just on thing, one day i8 shall rule over you! (insert evil, maniacal laugh) You're FIRED!" Knives

Master begins walks away, but is shot down by Kain.

"Next is you!" Knives

As Knives points to a large, purple, dinosaur-like being, it begins to sing! How lucky for Knives!

(Singing and doing a disturbed little dance) "I love you! You love me! We're a happy fam-a-lie! With a great big hug, and a kiss from me-to-you, won't you say you love me too!" Barney

"Here's a good one! I hate you! You hate me! Let's gang up and KILL BARNEY! With a GREAT BIG GUN! And a SAMURAI SWORD! No more retard dinosaur! How do you like that one?" Knives

Barney stands there for a few seconds in stunned silence, but then realizes the severity of the disturbing scene that just took place right before his eyes, and runs away. But, sadly enough, he trips and falls. When he tries to get up Rei-Dae slashes him with his sword (hence the song), and Kain also shoots him (HENCE THE SONG!).

(Sigh) "All that, and only two candidates left." Knives

One of the candidates realizes that his fate is probably like that of the others, and tries to sneak away... Only to be stopped by Knives.

"Now, now, now, where do you think YOU are going, troll-spider? Hmmmmm?" Knives

"Needing to get back to the Temple, I am." Yoda

"No, you aren't (mimicking Yoda) needing to get back to the temple. YOU are needing to DIE!" Knives

Yoda runs away but halfway back to his ship is shot by Kain.

"DAMMIT! DAMMIT ALL! I need more beings!" Knives

"Um, may I please leave now, I really wanted to get some honey to have for breakfast tomorrow morning." Pooh

"LEAVE? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're not going anywhere! You're in!" Knives

"Ummmmmm..." Pooh

Knives walks away with Pooh, all the while telling him about his new job.

"Well, that just about concludes today. Thanks for joining us all! Tune in next time!" Wolfwood

"Goodnight." Legato

-

NDG: Goodbye!

Haiku: Bye now!

DK: Y'all come back now, y'hear!

Haiku: Ummmmm...

NDG: I'm not even gonna ask...


	4. Mikey

DISCLAIMER:

NDG: wE dO nOt OwN tRiGuN! (singing)

DK: Um… heh… Yeah.

NDG: Or Wal-Mart! OR Winnie the Pooh!

DK: -BUT- We –DO- own Knives (UN)LTD.! The clothes line… sorta… UU

NDG: AND! Mikey! He's MINE! ALL MINEEEEEEEEE! Ha-Ha—Hah-Ha-HA! Nannie-nannie-boo-BOO!

DK: Um… Sorry, but I really don'y think that anybody REALLY wants Mikey…

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We see numerous tables with EVIL plans on them, a couch and a few recliners. Wolfwood is lounging around on the couch, and Midvalley, a recliner.

"Hello and welcome to the show for today! I'm your host Nicholas D. Wolfwood, and this is Midvalley, who will be filling in for Legato!" Wolfwood

"Hi. (waves)" Midvalley

"Now… Before we begin the show, we are going to see what Legato is up to with our 'newest' Gung-Ho Gun! Po." Wolfwood

A tv screen suddenly appears behind Wolfwood and Midvalley. It shows Legato and 'Po' standing in the training room and talking,… well, in Legato's case, yelling. Legato said "It's not POOH! It's PO! You are an animal… Not a piece of crap… Your abilities aside…" The screen the goes blank and Midvalley mutters "disturbed… that's what Legs is…"

"Well,um... that's all that we're allowed to show the kiddies… too much violence… and killing… and training…" Midvalley

"Well, now please welcome our returning guest… Millions Shithead!" Wolfwood

(crickets chirp)

(Knives walks out… finally)

(One person who looks suspiciously like Rei-Dae cheers, but is then silenced when a spike is shot through his back… UU)

"Aht-ahem!" Midvalley

(The crowd cheers.)

"Hello! I am Knives and I am going to kindly show you worthless spiders, human scum, losers, plant killers- (he is silenced by a smack from Zazie who just HAPPENED to walk out at that piticular time.) My new line of clothing! Knives (UN)LTD.!" Knives

(The crowd cheers.)

"Well, we are now going out to give away FREE samples as a special promotion! Meet us at

Wal-Mart!" Zazie

(A little while later…)

(Outside Wal-Mart)

There is a table set up with assorted clothes on it (Shirts, long and short sleeved, pajama pants, sweatshirts, OBVIOUSLY hoodies! And other ACCESSORIES!). The shirts all have the Knives (UH) LTD. Logo on them: A circle with a knife in the middle. Then they have other assorted designs... Like Pictures of knives (the OBJECT... NOT the person, er... plant)and all that stuff. Wolfwood, Knives and Midvalley are sitting behind it (as said: Left-to-Right!) They are all wearing name tags that read: Chapel the Evergreen; Millions Knives; and Midvalley the Hornfreak.

(They're sitting…)

(And sitting…)

(AND sitting some more unitl… A lady with five kids trailing behind walks by and…)

"Hello! Would you like a FREE thing from Knives (UN)LTD.? (cheesy smile) Did I mention that they're FREE! (ANOTHER cheesy smile... SO FAKE!)

The people walk right by him, but then one little kid stops and goes back. (His name is Mikey.)

(Walks up to Knives.) "Can I have a shirt? Please?" Mikey

"Sure, spider. Here. (He hands Mikey a shirt.) Now, go back to the big spider and begone. Knives

"Can I help hand out the stuff PLEASE?" Mikey

"Sure kid." Midvalley

"(wispering) Why should he help us?" Knives

"(ALSO wispering) It'll make us look good to have a kid around." Midvalley.

"Ohhh... Okay... I guess. Hey... Where did Wolfwood go?"

"Oh... He's PROBABLY trying his best to get off his RIDICOULS name tag, because if I were missing, that's where I'D be..." Midvalley

"You don't REALLY mean that, do you?" / Knives

"'Course not..." Midvalley

"'K kid, here's the stuff that you can hand out. (Hands Mikey some stuff.)" Knives

And then Mikey left.

(Five, LONG, GRUELING, BORING hours later...)

"I'm bored." Knives

"Me too. HEY! WAIT-A-MINUTE! This is all YOUR fault! We're stuck here because of you and your STUPID clothes!" Midvalley

"So?" Knives

(Is wearing his jogging outfit. YES! We brought it back! XD )"Hey, guys! I'm baaaaack!" Wolfwood

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU! And WHAT"S with that stoopid outfit?" Knives and Midvalley

"Er... nowhere!" Wolfwood

"(sigh) Let's just go home...)" Midballey

"You got it!" Knives

(At the Gung-Ho Guns Complex)

"Well... that sure was a lot of work!" Knives

"I'm NEVER going to EVER do that EVER again!" Midvalley

"Well... It wasn't THAT bad..." Wolfwood

"Whaydda MEAN? You weren't even there half the time! No1 More than half!" Midvalley

"Oh... Well! I'm going to go and watch the news." Wolfwood

"You do that." Midvalley

(From the other room...)

"OH MY GODDDD! SOME KID GOT HIT BY A CAR!" Rei-Dae

"Jeeze! You're right!" Wolfwood

(Midvalley comes in.)

"It's Mikey! KNIVESSSSSSSSSSSSS! COME QUICK!" Midvalley

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A/N:

NDG: Um... well that's all!

DK We're kinda running low on ideas here... so if ya have any, then please tell us!

NDG: Bye now!


End file.
